T H E T U S C A R O R A R E V I E W 2 0 2 2 9 Mona O L I V I A W I L H I D E Mona calculated her breath just as Dr. Fultz had taught her. Inhale for five. Exhale for five. Repeat until panic fades. The evening dwindled as she pushed the faded green shopping cart along the neat aisles of the grocery. She had been in the store not ten minutes and already found her hand in her purse, her fingers instinctively across the glossy prescription bottle of Valium. It would have been longer if that man at the deli counter hadn’t been staring at her. Mona closed her eyes, took two more deep breaths, and retracted her hand from the bag with reluctance. She promised Dr. Fultz she would try to go out in public at least once this week, and only use the blue pills for emergencies. Mona was a petite woman. She wore a pale, bare face framed by a mousey head of hair with more scraggly grays than other women in their thirties. Mona had been avoiding the grocery. She had also been avoiding the doctor’s office, the mechanic, the laundromat, and her best friend’s thirty-fifth birthday party. However, she had been running precariously low on food and the thought of yet another peanut butter sandwich for dinner sent her gut turning. So yes, the groceries needed to be bought. Mona had calculated many routes around her agoraphobia, and late-night shopping was one she knew well. Mona walked down the dairy aisle in search of her favorite soy milk. She stepped only on the black tiles that checkered the floor and counted them as she went. Her ritual was suddenly cut short by the shrill whines of a child. A tired mother was standing with a manic little boy. She was critically reviewing the ingredients of a colorful cereal he’d retrieved. The duo was situated right in front of the only soy milk the grocery carried, the only kind Mona’s lactose intolerant body could handle. Mona hesitated by the French cheeses and tried to give the impression she was examining their prospect. She flexed her hands open and closed, retaliating against the familiar tingling sensation spreading throughout them. Her throat began to tighten. She tugged the neck of her scratchy
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