1 0 T H E T U S C A R O R A R E V I E W 2 0 2 2 sweater, swallowing hard. Mona knew her fears were irrational but she couldn’t shake the panic. With her eyes cemented to the tiles, she continued forward to the milk. Inhale for five. Exhale for five. Repeat until panic fades. Now only steps from the mother and child, Mona’s feet struggled to complete their steps. Her blood steamed and her skin tightened. Turning around was an option, but she couldn’t take another morning of milkless, bitter coffee. With one final repetition of breathing, Mona quickened her pace and charged the bright, white shelves. “Excuse– excuse me…” She muttered to the woman. “Hm? Oh, pardon us.” The mother shuffled her son on to the next aisle, barely taking her eyes from the cereal box she was scrutinizing. The boy offered Mona a cautious look before following his mother’s direction. Mona quickly grabbed a carton of soy milk and tucked it in her cart amongst fresh garlic, organic eggs and her favorite white macadamia nut cookies. She smiled as she did this, her neat grocery list now had perfectly straight lines through every item. She held her tingling hands firmly on the plastic handle of the cart and rehearsed the lines she would say to the cashier. Hello. I’m well, thank you. No, I do not have a rewards card. Yes, I will be charging credit. Thank you, you too. Filing into the checkout line, Mona’s focus gravitated towards the girl in line ahead of her. An attractive young woman with long dark hair, held in a perfect wave. She wore a dress that Mona’s father would never have let her wear at that age. The girl paid Mona no mind, not even a glance over her shoulder. It was better that way. She probably would’ve thought Mona looked foolish with her disheveled French twist and dated leather boots. The girl presented the clerk with a magazine featuring another attractive young girl and “10 Tips to Win Him Back.” Mona smoothed the scraggly hairs behind her ears. Mona placed each item onto the circulating belt as she fantasized about being the brown haired girl. She imagined all the parties she would attend, all the men she would date. There was an abrupt tap on her shoulder. Whipping her head to the left, she saw that a lanky man had joined in line behind her. “Hey, mind if I grab a pack of gum?” He asked, motioning to the colorful packs on the shelf to the rear of her. It felt like the air had been sucked from her lungs. Her face cemented into a wide eyed stare and unable to find the words, she shifted her stiff body forward as the man reached around her for a pack of spearmint gum. Inhale for five. Exhale for five. Repeat until panic fades. As her body temperature rose, she returned her
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