T H E T U S C A R O R A R E V I E W 2 0 2 2 2 3 The Form T H O M A S C A M P B E L L Name Can we start with an easier question? Date of Birth I was born on April 29th. A million years ago. At least it feels like it. I’m a Taurus. I don’t know if I really even believe in zodiac signs but I heard Tauruses are supposed to be stubborn, and that makes sense. It was cold the day I was born. It snowed the night before, which was rare for April, and there was black ice on the roads. My mother had to walk to the hospital. Walk. Imagine being in labor and having to walk to the nearest hospital just to be in labor for eight more hours. Brutal. Marital Status Please. I don’t think I’d be here if I were married. Address Well, I feel like I’m living in hell. Occupation Currently? Nothing. I was a waitress for a little bit, but it turns out that trays are heavy and I can’t tolerate people for more than an hour. I wish I could say I made a huge scene with a very passionate speech about chasing your dreams and demanding respect and then quit on the spot. Instead, I got fired for dropping trays on a customer. I was also a receptionist at a tanning salon. I was supposed to get really pale women to buy really expensive tanning packages. However, after dozens of incredibly rude customers I was ready to quit, but I got fired for a low number of sales. Apparently I’m not that personable. Then I was a student aid and that didn’t do me any good. In fact, it cost me money.
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