T H E T U S C A R O R A R E V I E W 2 0 2 2 3 7 Not Sick Enough K A T H E R I N E W E I N H O L D Dear Doctor, I’m afraid I need to cancel my recent appointment. I have been reliably told I don’t need to keep it. My recovery time was much longer than we all expected, but everyone saw how much I needed to sleep. My friends and family understood when I canceled plans or ignored phone calls. I’m on the up and they say I look strong now. I’m all better. My devastation at not being sick anymore was simply from laziness. I just didn’t want to go back to work. Everyone reminded me that when they get a cold, they always wished it would last a little longer so they could stay home. My email to you requesting further care was outlandish. I realize I can’t have any of the issues I previously mentioned. I have been told that people with depression can’t shower, but I do every day. I was also told that the depressed can’t even get out of bed. But since mine is always made, I must be fine. They also told me people with ADHD have horrible grades. I have a 4.0, so I just need to focus more and the symptoms will go away. I also apologize for the rambling about the funeral at the end of my last email. It’s been six months, hasn’t it? It’s selfish of me to bring it up anymore. I certainly don’t shower just to feel the heat, or get out of bed just to ignore the questions. I don’t dwell on the crushing weight of failure, and I don’t need to get high grades to assign myself worth. My comments about “staring at a screen, thoughts screaming at me, legs bouncing in time to the rhythm of my intrusive thoughts” was really an over reaction on my part. I see that now. My friends tell me I look just like I did before I caught the bug! They see no deep, black bags underneath my eyes, no hollowed shell of my old personality. They don’t see how I flinch at loud noises or how late work piles on my desk. They have never seen me wince at the mention of that one name.
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